Lando Erif - an off-side story :: Don't Get Into a Staring Contest With the Mountain Dudes

Early mornings. Video calls to the other side of the world. Critiquing, brainstorming, writing tips giving, theme assisting.

Basically this week has been crazy.

But today I'm dropping in here with a proof that homeschooling is the best. This is how the story goes.

One day, my history book told me that I had to write an essay about the cold war. I was feeling uninspired, so I asked my teacher/mum/most-wonderful-mother-in-the-world if I could write it in story-style instead. And she said "okay, as long as it still has the information in it that it needed and everything." (or something along those lines)

So I wrote my cold war essay, as if Lando had written it, and it was so much fun. Wherefore I am going to share it with you today.

Hope you enjoy this surprisingly educational Lando story...essay...thing.

The Cold War – told by Lando Erif

You remember that history lesson you had on the Cold War?

Neither do I.

It never made much sense to me really. Two countries threatening each other but never actually doing anything? Just why?

And besides, what’s the fun in that?

I know, I know. Nuclear bombs, what’s more exciting than that?

Dragons for one, but I guess I’m biased.

Vegemite sandwiches are surprisingly exciting too, though you wouldn’t know it unless you knew me.

But I suggest we keep it safe, and I’ll stay as the anonymous author of this Cold War story.

This is my point of view on the whole thing.

I can’t guarantee much historical accuracy.


It all started with a dude called Usa.

And another dude called Ussr.

Usa was big and strong and half the world loved him.

Ussr was big and strong and half the world loved him.

It was really just asking for trouble.

They used to be best bros and had great times smashing things together, but then they started getting a bit full of themselves.


They were hanging out in Europe having fun cleaning up after the Second World War. It was a big job, lucky they were both big guys.

I guess they were getting a little tired and all, and probably sick of having people mix up their names. It finally got on Ussr’s nerves.

Usa was being an idiot, playing around and tossing aeroplane wrecks around for fun. He turned to his friend, flexing his muscles. “I’ll bet I’m stronger than you now,” he taunted, balancing a navy ship on his thumb.

Ussr glared. “You do, huh? Try me.” Without waiting for Usa’s answer, he stomped away toward Russia.

“Hey guys!” he yelled, storming up. “I’m the greatest.”

Naturally they all believed him.

I don’t blame them. I mean, what can you say when a super-powerful dude comes crashing into your country? It’s either obey him or run away screaming.

Unfortunately, running away screaming wasn’t much of an option. Ussr was strong, and he didn’t want anyone running to Usa for protection.

He was the greatest.

It wasn’t long before Usa heard what was going on.

“Seriously man?” he asked, strolling over to Russia in five minutes. “You think that’s super?”

“You come any closer and I’ll blast you with my nuclear powers,” Ussr threatened.

As you can see, the friendship went downhill fast.

“Hahahaa, nuclear powers. I like that. Like you’ve got any nuclear pow—YIKES!”

Ussr pulled out a handful of nuclear bombs from his jacket pocket, waving them under Usa’s nose

Usa did the only sensible thing.

He ran.

Back in America, he started plotting. Ussr had tons of those bombs but he wasn’t the only one who could make them. And Usa had an even better plan.

He lay low for a while, building up his nuclear bombs and his minion armies and his strength by eating plenty of French fries.

Finally he was ready to make his big move.

After eating one final plate of French fries, he stepped over to Europe again.

“Hey peeps,” he grinned at the European countries. “I got me a plan.”

And before you could say ‘pass the fries’ Usa created Nato.

Nato was a big guy.

As big as Usa and half on Europe combined. Lucky thing, because he was made to totally smash Ussr, and Ussr weren’t no midget.

“He’s perfect!” Usa yelped. “Come on, bro,” he said. “Let’s go blow some heads.”

Naturally Ussr saw them coming.

A guy like Usa must be hard to miss, but Nato?

He was like a walking Eiffel Tower.

No, scrap that, he was like a walking mountain.

Ussr sat in his fortress for a moment longer, letting his enemies approach. He chuckled evilly.

They had no idea.

In that time Ussr hadn’t been idle.

He may have been eating a couple of famous Russian pancakes, but mostly he’d been playing with bombs.

As Usa and Nato stormed through Germany, he decided they’d gone far enough.

“Go get ‘em, Warsaw,” he said, waving his hand casually.

Suddenly some super-fast something crashed down in front of Usa and Nato. A massive wall cut straight through Berlin.

Now that is some super-fast wall building.

Usa totally freaked. “What’s going on?” he yelled, watching all the terrified little people scurrying about on the streets. “USSR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU COME OUT NOW OR I’LL BLAST YOUR FACE.”

Technically that doesn’t make sense but hey! He didn’t have much time to think up a response.

If I’d been Ussr, I would’ve run for my life. But Ussr just did his evil laugh (mwahahaha) and strode up to the fuming Usa.

“Hello Usa,” he said, spinning a long bomb between his fingers. “Who’s this midget you’ve got with you?”

Usa’s eyes widened. Nato’s eyes narrowed.

“I am no midget,” he rumbled.

Have you ever met one of those massive guys who make the ground vibrate when they talk?

Nato was like that.

Only it was a full on earthquake.

Dude, he was terrifying.

And no one likes being called a midget by their enemy.

Nato pulled a fistful of bombs from his pocket, glaring at Ussr.

Things were about to get nuclear.

Even Ussr quailed back.

I don’t know what would’ve happened then, but Warsaw chose that moment to return to his master for a nice tasty reward.

When he materialised out of nowhere, everyone jumped.

Ussr regained his confidence. Usa quaked in his boots.

“It seems, Usa, that while you were distracted a while back, you missed a major development.” Ussr gestured upward to the towering Warsaw. “Please meet Warsaw Pact. Warsaw, say hello.”

Warsaw grinned widely with a ‘hi enemy, wanna die?’ kind of look. “Warsaw says hello.”

If you thought Nato’s earthquake voice was bad, Warsaw’s was totally nuclear.

All the humans shrieked and ran for cover. The bricks of the Berlin wall trembled and Warsaw almost wrecked all his hard work. The ice in Switzerland melted off the mountains, and everyone in Hungary stopped being hungry.

It was like an explosion.

A nuclear explosion.

And he’d only said hello.

Yup. Things totally just went nuclear.

“Where did that thing come from?” Usa demanded, trying to stop his knees from knocking together too loudly.

“This.” Ussr patted the huge guy’s shoulder (man, you’d have to either be very brave or very crazy to do that. I’m thinking Ussr was a bit of both) “This is my military alliance with East Europe. Surely you must have noticed him before?”

“I didn’t eat that many French fries,” Usa protested.

Meanwhile, Nato and Warsaw were looking each other up and down.

That, to begin with is more than I could do. I’d just have to look up and up.

Next to Warsaw, Nato looked like nothing.

If Nat was a mountain, Warsaw was Mount Everest.

No kidding, the guy was huge.

Those French fries must’ve been really good, or Usa would’ve noticed him earlier.

Things could’ve gotten messy just then, but Warsaw had just built a massive long wall at light-speed. That’s gotta be tiring.

He didn’t feel much like bashing things just then.

And Ussr hadn’t given him his medal for breaking the wall-building world record.

“Warsaw hungry,” he rumbled, causing half of the Spanish population to start speaking Latin. With that, he turned and strode back toward Russia.

“Uh, time for a tactical retreat, Nato,” Usa suggested, backing away slowly.

Leaving a few minion armies behind to clean up the mess, they returned to America. Usa sank into his chair, ordering a tableful of French fries. “Phew, that was close.”

Nato just stood, glaring across the ocean at Warsaw.

Warsaw looked up from his lunch and grinned a ‘hi enemy’ grin again.

As I said, the guys were massive.

This went on for quite a while. Warsaw and Nato over-sea glaring. Ussr chuckling evilly in his fortress. Usa drowning his woes in French fries, hoping for a brilliant break-through plan.

Every now and then the now-arch-enemies would stretch and head off to taunt and threaten each other with bombs and nuclear explosions and broccoli soup.

Little minion armies grew bigger, and got glaring lessons from Nato and Warsaw. Unfortunately they had to stand a little closer together for their presence to be quite as foreboding.

Meanwhile, neither Nato or Warsaw had blinked.

After such a long time they couldn’t give up, no matter how sore their eyes were getting.

This was a matter of strength. There was no giving in.

But come on, you complain, didn’t you say something about wars? This isn’t a war. And I don’t see anything cold about it.

You’ve got a point. But I’m getting to the cold right now.

Ussr, living in Russia as he did, woke one morning with a really bad case of Autumn flu. His nose started running like mad and his throat was like he’d swallowed a handful of sand.

The worst thing?

He couldn’t do the evil laugh thing anymore because it hurt too much.

It wasn’t long before he got bored.

He quit his fortress and started glaring around Europe. He noticed that Warsaw wasn’t as big and scary as he used to be.

The minions in some-Czech-place-with-a-really-weird-name were misbehaving. They’d even tried to stop some army tanks in some town called Plague.

Or Prague.

I forget which.

You get to pick.

“What, no!” Ussr shouted, getting a really bad coughing fit. “You’re meant to be on OUR side…cough...What’s the deal with that?”

It was a catastrophe that called for immediate action.

“Come Warsaw,” Ussr coughed. “We need to…cough…go…cough cough…Czecho…cough…slovakia…cough cough.”

The two headed off, storming down on Czech in a whirlwind of used tissues.

“What do you…cough…think…cough cough…” Ussr gave up trying to talk, waving his hand at Warsaw to finish.

“Warsaw says, what do you think you are doing?”

His voice might’ve gotten a little quieter than before, now that he was only an ordinary mountain, but it was still scary.

The Czechs checked themselves and ran away screaming.

Warsaw was saved!

But the little rebellions kept chipping away at the mountain’s roots.

He kept on glaring at Nato, but now they were eye-to-eye.

Ussr was getting even more worries now. His cold hadn’t gotten any better and he’d used up Warsaw’s entire supply of tissues.

This was bad news.

He had to get more tissues, but only Usa and Nato had any.

Time to start being scary again.

Ussr and Warsaw stormed across Europe. In Britain an annoying little Peace Pledge Union popped up, but Warsaw totally squashed it.

In half an hour they had reached Cuba.

Nato had seen them coming, of course.

It was hard not to when you’re having a years-long staring contest.

Usa heard his bro’s grunted warning and glanced up from his French fries. When he saw Ussr and Warsaw he went completely nuclear.

“RIGHT. THAT’S IT,” he roared so loud the entire world heard him.

All of Europe, Asia, Africa, America, Australia and everywhere-else-I-haven’t-said-yet held their breath.

“MINIONS! SMASH THEM!” Usa commanded.

What could they do but obey?

I mean, what would you do if a giant guy with smoke pouring out of his ears in mushroom clouds told you to do something?

Me? I’d take the broccoli soup any day.

When Ussr saw the Nuclear-Usa and Nato charging south he was so terrified he fell into the worst coughing fit yet.

“Warsaw…cough cough…I suggest…cough...tactical…cough cough cough…RUN!”

Warsaw agreed and all his minion armies used their own bombs to blast their Cuban fort out of existence.

A tactical retreat (that looked an awful lot like running in terror) was made, and the world let go the breath they’d been holding for a very long week.

Nuclear war temporarily avoided.

And so Nato and Warsaw went back to their staring contest, Usa stopped eating French fries and headed over to Europe so he could keep a closer eye on Ussr.

Ussr? He sulked in his fortress, blowing his nose on bed sheets because his cold still hadn’t gone away.

This could have continued for who knows how long, but luckily for you and me, it didn’t.

Maybe Usa and Ussr just tired of the whole war thing, or maybe Nato and Warsaw talked them into it (because after 40 years their eyes must have been roasted).

Somehow, the two arch enemies met up. Ussr explained, very nicely, about his unending cold, Usa sat nodding sympathetically and…BOOM.

They were best buddies again.

Finally Warsaw blinked and then dissolved into 15 mini Warsaws. Nato went to the optometrist because he was pretty sure he’d gone far-sighted after all that staring.

Usa shared his French fries with Ussr forever onwards.

And Ussr’s cold disappeared like something blown up by a nuclear bomb.


And so it became known as the Cold War, although my teacher assures me it’s not because the USSR had a cold and ran out of tissues, but because there was no actual fighting.

I told her, whatever, but there sure was broccoli soup.

She disagreed on that fact too.

Staring contests?

Another nope.

I ask you, what’s the fun in that?

- end -

AND THERE is the best example of my creative essays that I do for school. Homeschooling is the best and there's no way you can disagree with that.

Disclaimer: I also do write actual essays, but that isn't anywhere near as interesting and only this one really deserves mentioning. Although at some point I might post one of my LotR essays that I have to write for my literature course. (YES. I'm doing a course on LotR. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT HOMESCHOOLING BEING THE BEST??)


Have you ever done some creative writing instead of an essay?
(I can't be alone here, right?)
What's your favourite subject for school?

The Reluctant Godfather - Allison Tebo // Blog Tour

You know those times that you pick up a book, read the first page and just know you're going to enjoy it?

Quite recently, I had one of those wonderful experiences. And I wasn't let down at all. The book -as you have probably guessed by now- was The Reluctant Godfather, by Allison Tebo. I was very privileged to be given a free copy of the book to review, and can I just say that I'm very glad I accepted. Because a) free books can never go wrong xD and b) keep reading to find out why :P

So today, I'm participating in the blog tour in honour of this quirky, funny, Cinderella retelling.

What were my thoughts on this book? Glad you asked.

It was VERY GOOD INDEED. Five. shiny. stars.

First off, the characters. Oh goodness yes the characters. *hugs them all very tightly* (*except for the nasty ones*) They all had arcs and growth through the story that was done so. well. And for a Cinderella retelling, you might think there's only so many options available. BUT NO. These characters are not typical or cliche. Not at all. Let me explain.

-Burndee is sarcastic and grumpy and NEAT. <3 I loved him right from the very first moment because yess it was so cool and unique.

-Ella is sweet and seems naive until she shifts and you get to see a thoughtful deeper side of her that is just beautiful and real.

-Prince Colin admittedly wasn't my favourite, but I still really enjoyed him anyway. I would've liked it better if I'd gotten to see more of him, because as it was I was slightly unsure of the twists and turns of his character and personality.

-And Cynthia and Portia and de Ghent and all of the rest. They were all really well done and written in such a realistic and believable way.

This is a Cinderella retelling so of course there's romance. I'm mostly 'eh' about romance in books, but I know it can be done well. But in The Reluctant Godfather I really enjoyed it. It was done perfectly and I have absolutely nothing to protest about. Except [SPOILER] (highlight text to read) - maybe the very last scene after "they" married? I don't know but it just seemed a little bit forced and didn't quite fit as perfectly as it could have. But hey, I can deal with that. -

I really loved the entire writing style. I absolutely adored the snarky humour and I actually laughed aloud at least once. Basically all the cliches that had a chance in this story were tipped right upside down. For starts, it's a fairy godfather. A smart prince who is actual real and human and won't just toss his life away to any random beautiful lady who has a small foot. A Cinderella who is sweet and hard working and yet is different than every other retelling I've read.

And I have to mention the plot twists. Admittedly, I guessed the main twist waaay before it happened, but that's not too unexpected. And it was still really cool and basically the whole climax had me on edge and giggling and frustrated all at the same time.

Overall, this was a wonderful, easy read. And the main character bakes pastries and cakes. YOU CAN'T GO WRONG THERE. Trust me. Read this and you won't regret it.

Recommended for everyone. It doesn't matter whether you like whimsical fairy tales or not. Think about the grouchy baker, okay? And the cakes and pastries. It'll be great, I promise.

- - -

- the book -

A humorous and magical re-telling of Cinderella from a unique perspective.

Burndee is a young and cantankerous fairy godfather, who would rather bake cakes than help humans. A disgrace to the fairy order, Burndee has only two wards entrusted to his care…a cinder girl and a charming prince.

A royal ball presents Burndee with the brilliant solution of how to make his wards happy with the least amount of effort. He’ll arrange a meeting and hope the two fall in love.

- the author -

ALLISON TEBO is a Christian homeschool graduate in her mid-twenties, who works part time as a sales associate for a major transportation company.  A graduate of London Art College, Allison pursues avenues in cartooning and illustrating as well as singing and voice acting.
In her spare time she writes and blogs at www.allisonswell.com.

It is her goal to write fiction that appeals to many different kinds of people, by writing clean, classic fun.

Her faith in Christ directly influences all she writes about — or does not write about.  Whether the story possesses a strong message or is simply fun and imaginative fiction — her desire is to bring honour to God and to provide quality stories for everyone to enjoy.

- - -

- the giveaway - 

Allison is also hosting an amazing giveaway on her website - prizes including a signed paperback copy of The Reluctant Godfather.

Unfortunately this is ONLY OPEN TO U.S. RESIDENTS. 
(So all fellow Aussies (and other 'international' places) don't get your hopes up. Come visit me and I'll lend you my copy instead. Maybe we could even forge Allison's signature and pretend it was signed? The options are unlimited.)

But for you lucky American peoples, hop over -this link here- to look at the amazing assortment of things Allison has all for free.

- - -

“You humans certainly have your hearts set on being happy, don’t you?”

- Burndee, The Reluctant Godfather

- - -

Are you all ready to give this book a closer look now?
(if not PLEASE SPEAK TO ME AND I WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND. You're welcome, in advance)
Are there any of 'those books' that you've read and fallen in love with at first sight?
(such romance. Love at first sight. xP)

The Adventures of Lando Erif :: The Day I Hosted a Tour (Pt. Two)

Well. Would you look at that. Friday again already and we've somehow gotten through the second week of June.

And I may or may not have completely forgotten to write the second half of this story until today. OOPS.

But with a couple of word wars and a few inspirational vegemite sandwiches (technically they were cheesy-mite scrolls but pfft anyway) it has been written and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I made myself laugh and I am completely shameless.

:: Part One ::

What would you do, if you were in my place?

Several different options went through my head in those few moments. A lot of them included screaming and running the opposite way, grabbing a dragon and flying away to find a private floating island and becoming a hermit for the rest of my life.

It was tempting, but I resisted.

I vaulted over the bench and tumbled out the window, starting to run as soon as I touched the ground. The visiting families and ReLocators pushed in around the barrier between them and the dragon bay. I didn’t have any time to waste.

It was a race between me and a dragon

And currently, the dragon looked like it was going to win.

Ducking, I slipped beneath the caution tape and sprinted across the sand. Kyle was just standing there, holding the sandwich out toward the charging dragon. He was completely insane. How did he not realise that he was about to get fried into a crisp?

The dragon flared it wings out and I saw it suck in a deep breath. Deep breaths meant flames and flames meant fried cousin and fried cousin meant that my life would be more worthwhile living out as a hermit in secret.

“RUN,” I yelled.

The dragon looked around toward me for a moment and I heaved out a stream of flames to keep its attention. Heat rushed through my throat and then I ran out of breath, doubling over and staggering dizzily on my feet.

The only warning I got was a hiss of scattering sand before the dragon’s tail thumped me right in the side, sending me flying sideways. I choked on a mouthful of sand but managed to stumble up.

What I saw made me wish I’d kept down for just a bit longer.

A line of dragons were charging across the beach, sand flicking up behind them like a storm. All of them were headed toward Kyle and his sandwich. He was going to get shredded.

But I couldn’t let that happen on my watch.

Slipping in the soft sand, I dashed toward Kyle. He finally seemed to get the picture and started running, but way too late. At this rate, the leading dragon was going to get him in ten more seconds.

Squinting my eyes half closed against the flicking sand from the closest dragon, I started running faster than I’d run before. A tail swept sideways in front of me and I grabbed onto it, finding myself swinging through the air. No no no, which way was down? Which way to the sandwich?

In the background I could hear people screaming and yelling out but I tried to block it out.

I needed to focus on getting that sandwich.

I caught sight of Kyle and let my grip slip, tumbling through the air. Everything went blurry with speed for a moment and then I smashed bodily into Kyle. We went backward onto the ground, Kyle’s elbow smashing into my nose. Stars of pain streaked across my vision but I grabbed out blindly, snatching the sandwich from him.

Rolling to the side, I got up to my knees and threw the sandwich as high into the air as I could.

A giant sweep of flames converged above, every dragon lunging for the sandwich at the same moment and colliding midair. Someone grabbed the back of my shirt but before I had time to react I went sprawling backward into the ocean.

I flailed my arms uselessly for a moment before managing to get my feet beneath me. Gasping in a breath of air, I dashed my hand across my eyes. The dragons were tackling in a massive pile on the sand, like a bunch of kittens after a ball of wool. Only bigger and…slightly more violent and less cute.

And all over one little sandwich.

Kyle was standing beside me, significantly less wet, but significantly more pale.

“Man, are you okay?” I asked quickly.

“Yeah,” his voice croaked.

“You saved me,” I realised. “I could’ve gotten flattened under that.”

Kyle looked at me, blinked, and shook his head. “Your shirt was on fire.”

I stared. He pushed me in the water because my shirt was burning? So much for heroic. A stream of flames shot over my head and I ducked, the heat drying my soaking hair. Time to get out of the firing range.

Grabbing Kyle’s arm, I dragged him through the edge of the water. I skirted well around the fighting dragons and pushed Kyle under the caution tape, slipping under and taking a deep breath.

And then I realised that the crowd wasn’t screaming in terror. They were…cheering?

Someone clapped me on the shoulder. “Wow man, that was amazing. I’m definitely coming back next visiting day if I get to watch things like that.”

“Kid, you could be the new superhero.”

“You aren’t Peter Parker by any chance?”

I found myself mobbed by voices and people. “Um no sorry, I just—”

“I got the whole thing on video,” someone yelped from the side and I gulped.

Oh man. Sir George was going to go into panic mode.

I stopped Kyle with a hand on his shoulder. “Man. Never do something like that again. What were you thinking?”

He jerked away from me. “How the heck was I meant to know they were dangerous? You work here. They wouldn’t let you intern with actual dangerous creatures.”

I choked over my sentence. “You honestly thought they were safe?”

“I was just going to feed it.”

Before I managed to get an audible reply, Sir George himself came into sight, hurrying through the crowd. He laid eyes on me and looked instantly relieved. “Lando, Kyle, come with me now.” He jerked his head to the side and I had no choice but to follow.

Out of earshot from the crowd, he lifted his hand and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know what you were thinking, I don’t know how you could manage to save the day so perfectly, but good job.”

I stared at him, my mouth half falling open.

Did Sir George just say that or was I dreaming?

“How you stopped the dragons and saved Lando at the same time…it was brilliant,” he continued, clapping Kyle on the shoulder.

“Wait— what?” I blurted.

Kyle still looked dazed, and nodded silently.

Sir George turned on me and narrowed his eyes. “And you. You should know better by now than to cause such mayhem. And on a day like this especially. Do you have any idea how much trouble we could’ve gotten into if young Kyle here hadn’t stopped disaster?”

I gaped, unable to think of anything intelligent to say.

Footsteps pounded up behind me and I glanced over my shoulder to see the twins coming to a panting stop. “Sorry— we got caught in the crowd—” Titus gasped for breath.

“And I’d say you two had something to do with it too.” Sir George turned his glare on them.

Titus and Thomas looked taken aback. “What?” they replied at the same time.

“I will think up a fitting discipline later, for all three of you,” Sir George said warningly. “Just you wait.”

“Hold it, what’s going on?” Thomas demanded. “You’re punishing us for what?”

“As if you don’t know.” He glared and rested his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “I must escort this young man to my office to rest, he doesn’t look too well, and no surprise either.”

I just stood there and stared as he steered a bewildered Kyle away in the direction of his office.

The twins both looked at me questioningly and I lifted my shoulders. “Don’t ask me.”

“Is he blind or something?” Titus asked. “It’s like he legit thinks that Kyle did some sort of superhero act.”

“Well, he stopped my shirt from burning,” I mumbled.

“Woohoo.” Thomas rolled his eyes. “And now we get to look forward to Sir George’s decision.”

“My favourite pastime.” Titus slumped.

“Brilliant job,” Scarlett interrupted my thoughts, appearing behind me.

I twisted and shrugged. “I was just trying not to have anyone killed.”

“And tackling your cousin into the dragon bay and then standing like an idiot and letting him save you from your own moronic self totally helped that.”

“Pardon?” I squinted at her.

I thought over the last part of the scene on the beach, and realised that to someone who’d only seen the very end it might actually look like Kyle was the hero.

“I was being sarcastic. And you’ve got blood on your lip.” Scarlett smirked and jogged away in the direction that Sir George had taken.

I frowned and scrubbed my upper lip, watching her leave. “You know…”

The twins both perked up at the tone of my voice. “Yeah?”

“Someone got a full video of that,” I said slowly.

Titus instantly straightened. “YouTube here we come. We’ve got only one chance to make Sir George believe us, and that’ll be perfect.”

Thomas grinned. “Oh yeah.”

I turned back toward the crowd. “No harm, I mean, we may as well try it, right?”

Haha. No harm. Sir George only grounded us for the next three weeks, but our channel got three hundred subscribers so it wasn’t completely useless. And Kyle’s mother decided that I was a bad influence on her precious son, and the next time she went away, he stayed at his friend’s house instead.

To be honest, he wasn’t all that bad really, but I wasn’t complaining anyway.

I was just happy that the next visiting day was still six months away.

- end -

I think my brain is officially in superhero mode because I've been thinking about my new superhero character and now Lando is acting like one.

And I blame Spiderman: Homecoming for the Peter Parker reference. YouTube has made it a favourite pastime to show me the trailer every time I listen to one of my playlists so Spidey has been haunting me over the past few weeks.


Would you take on a dragon to get your sandwich for lunch?
(I'm curious to know, guys. xD)
How is your June going so far?

3 ways to get rid of impossibly persistent story ideas

As some of you probably know already, I'm currently working through the third (ish?) draft of Rogue Escarlate. Editing has happened, and I'm giving it a last polish/read before sending it off to alpha readers. *screams dramatically* 

And I have one very important exciting plan for once I do that.

I'm going to take a break.

No more writing. No more editing. Just life. And I'm really looking forward to it.

But there's just one problem. If you're flighty or easily scared, don't read the next paragraph. Just warning you.

Plot bunnies.

SOMEONE HELP. I'm being surrounded by these amazing little creatures of fluffy evilness and they won't stop. I keep getting more and more ideas.

(Shhh yes this picture totally relates to the post. It's a road, because everything about writing is a journey. OF COURSE. *ahem*)

Now, I'm sure you've been in this situation too. Drowning under fluff and cuteness and floppy ears. But have no fear, because I am now officially an expert and today I'm here to tell you three ways to get rid of these impossible, persistent story/character ideas.


1: YOU CAN'T
Just face it. You can't now and you never will be able to stop these. They will come and go as they please and you have absolutely no control over them at all. I'm sorry, but it's true. You're just going to have to deal with it.


2: Maybe...listen to them instead?
If you're struggling to focus on your current dystopian work in progress because of all these fantasy characters dancing around in your brain, maybe that's actually something you need to think about. What if your futuristic creativity needs to take a break? Take a breath and listen to these bunnies and maybe even schedule in a break -even as short as one day- where you'll either a) stop writing altogether or b) write some of those snippets that are dyyying to be written. 
It might be just the thing that your creativity needs.

(And as it happens I'm soon taking both option a and b and hoping for the fullest result. But I'll have to tell you that in July when I've finished the experiment.)


3: Humour them
Do what they want. Write them. It'll be fun, even if it distracts you from your current WIP. And seriously! Why else do you write except for fun? Over the last month or so I've had plenty of fun writing little snippets of different things. And playing around with different tenses (about 80% of them were in 1st person present tense because that intrigues me and I wanted to try it out) and settings and ideas and gosh. It's just so much fun.

And because I KNOW you're all so curious to know what random plot bunnies I've been having recently (you weren't? WELL TOO BAD. Because I'm putting them here anyways. XD), I thought I'd include some of the little scraps of stuff that I've written randomly.


- contemporary road-tripping (pov character is about 17) -

I think I'm going to pass out.
His foot goes back, but then he howls something incomprehensible, clutching at his shin. Zap is scowling up at him, positioning herself between the boys and me.
"Stop it." Her voice is clear and not even quavering.
Better than I could do.
He stares, his eyes wide and disbelieving. "What?"
"Stop hurting my brother." Zap crosses her arms over her chest, head tipped far up to look at him. "Or else."
If not for the pain pounding through my temples, I might laugh. A five year old girl, facing down a teen boy.
And winning.
He backs off a pace, his gaze flicking to me for a moment before waving a hand impatiently at his friends. "Come on," he snarls. "I'm sick of this."
Zap stick out her tongue in his direction. "And don't come back!"
I can't do anything but stare as she turns to me. She smiles nervously, curling a finger in her hair. "Are you okay?" This time her voice wobbles a little bit.
She's still my little girl.
I push myself onto my elbow and hug her quickly. "I'll be all right."
A real smile comes this time and I smile back. Reaching out, she brushes a finger against my cheekbone, elicting a wince. "You need fixing."
I nod slightly. "We'll go back to the hotel and see if we can get an ice pack."
She takes my hand, trying to help me to my feet. It makes it harder actually, but I let her try anyway. The throbbing in my head dizzies me, but her hand clasped in mine is like an anchor.
"Come on." She tugs me lightly. "We need to fix you now."

- fantasy + seers and magic powers - 

The long grass swayed above his head, deceitfully peaceful in the contrast to his throbbing heart.

He gulped in shaking breaths, trying not to let any audible gasps pass through his lips.

But he knew that the dog could follow his scent. It didn't really matter how loud he was if he couldn't keep running.

Shoving up from his hands and knees, he started running again, stumbling on twigs and roots that seemed like branches and trees to him. His hair kept flopping into his eyes, but he didn't have time to push it back.

The ground vibrated slightly and fear swept up behind him, engulfing him in the form of a low, canine growl.

He could never run fast enough.

- more fantasy + dragons this time -

I flop back onto the grass, staring up a the sky. "Ugh."
The dragon puffs a curl of smoke over above me and I roll over onto my elbow.
"Really?" I jump to my feet and kick a tuft of grass. " 'How do I save the princess?' 'Go ask the dragon of course.' " I mimic the warlock's voice and tone perfectly, bending and yanking out a piece of grass from a bunch and proceeding to rip it into small shreds.
"And not even the smallest question of whether I actually can talk to dragons." I throw the grass viciously, but the dragon puffs again and it all flies right back into my face.
I splutter and collapse onto the ground again, groaning. "I don't care if you're nine-hundred-and-whatever-ridiculous-number years old. You're absolutely no use to me because I can't understand dragon's tongue."


- beauty and the beast retelling (and yes the main character is invisible) -

He shivers, wrapping his arms over himself. "Wish there was a moon." His breath puffed white in the air.
"But nights without the moon are better."
"How so?"
I gaze up at my home in the sky. "Because then you can see the stars."
Shivers trill my spine and for a moment I feel light, tiny galaxies sparkling in my transparent fingertips.
"Huh." My Prince hunches his shoulders to his ears. "Talking to myself again." He shakes his head, turning back to the door.
Everything is cold again.
I can hear the stars sighing.


I also have a fairly new superhero character and a steampunk aviator who has a tragic backstory that makes me feel like the most evil person ever. (And also a short story but more about that in another post. *nods*)

But I'm still getting places with my editing, and I'm hoping to have it finished and ready for my alpha readers in a day or two. (*screams again*) And then I'm going to take my own advice and take a nice break from writing until Camp NaNo smashes into me before I'm expecting it and I promptly drown after crash-landing in the ocean because I failed at winging it.


Are you hyped for July Camp already??
(I would be, but I'm stubbornly ignoring the fact that it's ALREADY INSANELY CLOSE)
(also - post upcoming about available spaces in my camp nano cabinnnn *flails excitedly* so watch out for that so you don't miss it)
What do you do to deal with plot bunnies?

(and shhh no one point out that this post was basically useless and was me just whipping something up randomly because I wanted to post something today. >.<)

The Adventures of Lando Erif :: The Day I Hosted a Tour (Pt. One)

It's cold.

Everyone online is just starting to celebrate about summer and here all us southern-hemispherers (shh it's totally a word) are settling in for a winter.

Hence my fingers are cold.

But even with frozen fingers (and a cold) I managed to get a brand new story written for this week! I don't remember if this was a request that someone gave me or what, but anyways. Here it is. I'm looking forward to hearing how you like it. :D

(and apologies for any typos, I wrote this while in the car to and from several different places today because otherwise I was going to run out of time to get it done.)

I think everyone has at least one annoying relative.

And I, certainly, am not an exception to that.

Just take one look at my cousin, Kyle, and you can guarantee that you won’t be arguing with me any time soon.

Okay, maybe that’s not entirely fair. I mean, it’s not like he’s fat and ugly or anything. He looks pretty normal, talks pretty normal, and dresses pretty normal. He doesn’t gel his hair, and he doesn’t sneer all the time. In fact, if his mother introduced him to you, you’d probably never notice anything wrong with the perfect darling child.

Maybe he’s just a bit too perfect for my liking.

Or maybe he just has a delusional high ego that gets on my nerves.

Or maybe a touch of both added together to make one big messy relationship.

But anyway. This story isn’t to tell you about my cousin’s wardrobe or hairstyle choices. It’s to tell you about the day I took him on an ‘tour’ to Dragon Island.

I know right? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

It started because Aunt Josephine was going on a conference over the weekend, and she thought it would be a perfect opportunity to have Kyle stay at our house so that we could ‘get to know each other better’ or some such rubbish. Mum tried to save me and back out of it, but Aunt Josephine is the sort of person who can manipulate anything you say to be the exact thing she wanted you to say.

So Kyle was coming to stay. For the entire weekend.

And I was going to Dragon Island that Saturday and I jolly well didn’t want to skip it just because my cousin was coming to stay. It was Visiting Day for the Recruits and I had several duties. If I skipped out, Sir George would have a fit.

I should have. It would have been a lot less dramatic.

Aunt Josephine dropped him off in the morning, laughing and chattering about nothing at all. I stood in the corner trying not to look awkward.

“Now you be good, Kyle.” She patted his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

He nodded. “Sure.”

“Don’t get up to any mischief, you two.” Aunt Josephine raised her eyes and wiggled her fingers at me before turning away and disappearing into her car.

“Uhm no way. Of course not.” I shoved my hands into my pockets. Maybe I could manage to get Kyle absorbed in a book or something and then I could sneak off to Dragon Island without him.

No such luck.

As soon as I got him into my bedroom, he flopped down on my bed, yawning. “Dude, you’ve got a small room.”

“Well, okay. That’s what happens when you live in the middle of Sydney.” I shrugged, standing awkwardly to the side.

He sat up. “Well? What do you do all day?”

“I do school work. And…” I thought for a moment and then shrugged. “Other stuff.”

“Other stuff like?”

He just couldn’t let it go apparently.

I grabbed a book from my shelf and shoved it at him. “I read. This was a really great book.”

Kyle took it carelessly and flicked through a couple of pages, reading a little. “It sounds okay.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I think you’d love it.”

He grunted and kept reading.

Okay. Operation sneak-out-unnoticed time. I backed toward the door, but he looked up. “I’ve just got to do something, and then I’ll be back.”

“Sure.”

What? That was it? I hurried out before he could change his mind. That was way easier than I was expecting and I let a grin cross my features. Dragon Island here I come.

Ducking out the back door, I dug in my pocket and pulled out a TransNet. The silver threads made it easy to distinguish from the dragon ReLocation Nets, and it made for a much smoother travel. I shook it out so it was big enough to cover me and then swung it over my shoulders like a cloak.

Then someone grabbed it.

I yelped and jerked sideways, but Kyle was beneath the Net beside me and then I felt the familiar poof of air and the ground was gone from beneath me for a moment. Until we landed on Dragon Island.

Kyle stumbled forward and fell to his knees as soon as we hit, and I whipped the Net back and scrunched it small enough to fit back in my pocket.

“Why did you do that?” I demanded in annoyance.

He pushed up off the ground and looked around. “Wow, this is so cool.”

“Why are you here?” I grabbed his shoulder. “I told you to wait.”

“You brought me here. I knew you were planning something.” Kyle pulled away from my grasp and started walking.

“No—what—” I choked over my words and jogged to keep up. “You can’t just walk in here like you own the place.”

It might be Visiting Day for all the Recruits, but that didn’t mean I needed a cousin running around asking questions.

“Then how come you can?” He stopped and looked at me.

I rolled my eyes, giving up. “I belong here, okay? This is…work experience, you could say.”

“You intern on an island? What do you do?” He looked more interested than anything else now.

I stopped, thinking for a moment. “It’s not what most people would expect.” I looked up and noticed a familiar figure storming across the grounds toward me.

Oh great.

Sir George reached us in another few moments. “Lando, what are you doing just standing around? We have a schedule, you know.” He stopped and looked at Kyle. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“I don’t,” I replied hurriedly, not wanting him to think that we were related at all preferably.

“I’m his cousin,” Kyle said, offering out his hand. “Kyle Thompson.”

Sir George looked a little surprised as he shook Kyle’s hand. “Welcome to Dragon Island, young man.”

I almost groaned aloud. Why was it that some people just managed to charm Sir George? And not me. Never me. Sometimes I think that I’ll work it out, but really I haven’t got a chance. Not one.

“Well?”

I realised the Sir George was looking back at me again. “Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

“Obviously not. You’re on a time schedule and you’re slowing it down. Titus and Thomas Kanter are already at the Lunch Bay so you’d better go get started helping them.” 

“Okay.” I nodded and turned away toward the path leading to the Lunch Bay.

“Enjoy yourself,” Sir George added and I twisted around in confusion.

Oh yes. Of course. He was talking to Kyle.

“I absolutely will.” Kyle turned to me and raised his eyebrows. “Are we going somewhere?”

I  resisted the urge to roll my eyes and just turned around again and started off up the track. Kyle tagged behind me, looking around at the buildings with a vague curiosity.

“So Dragon Island?” he prompted, breaking the silence a few paces later.

“Yep.”

“Actual dragons?”

“Yep.”

“Yeah right.”

I shrugged. “No seriously. There are actual dragons. You’ll see them in a moment.”

He looked sideways at me, but I ignore his steady gaze. He’d believe me soon enough.

The dragons came in sight about the same time as the Lunch Bay did. Kyle pulled up short, his mouth dropping open.

I kept walking.

In a moment, he returned to my side, jogging to catch up, his eyes wide. “You really weren’t kidding then. Those are actual real live dragons.”

“Yep.” 

He blinked. “But how?”

“It’s not really common knowledge so there’s no surprise that you didn’t know.” I tugged open the door of the Lunch Bay and pointed him inside.

The twins looked up when we entered, pausing in their work.

“Sorry I’m late, guys.” I shed my jacket and tossed it into the corner. “Where’s my post?”

“No problem,” Titus waved it off. “You can grab some more vegemite jars from the box and load them up. These ones are starting to get empty.”

I ducked into the side room, grabbing a box of jars and turning to lug it out. I crashed right into Kyle and toppled sideways, falling over and dropping the box on my foot. A yell escaped from me and Kyle stumbled back.

“Sorry,” he said instantly.

“Lando are you okay?” Thomas ran forward, going to offer his hand to help me up.

I looked at his hand for a moment, bit back a sigh, then took it, standing up. “I’m fine.” I shot Kyle a look. “If you could stay out of the way, it’d be great.”

He looked slightly miffed but nodded. “Okay.”

Heaving up the box, I lugged it out to the Automagic machine — the twins’ latest invention project. Dumping it on the floor, I started to unpack the jars onto the lunch maker. About half a minute later a yelp from the other side of the room brought my eyes up. “What’s going on?” I stood.

Thomas and Kyle were in a heap on the floor, Titus standing wrathfully over them. “Okay. You’re out. Out, I said. You can’t stay out of the way, so you’d better get out.” Titus pointed to the door.

Kyle jumped to his feet. “What are you insinuating?”

“I’m not insinuating anything.” Titus glared. Turning, he grabbed a sign from leaning against the wall. “Go outside and hold this sign. Make sure that none of the visiting families do any stupid dragon feeding.”

I glanced at the sign. Do not feed the dragons. Fair enough. It’d give Kyle something to do and get him safely out of the way.

Kyle himself didn’t seem so happy about it, but he snatched the sign and stalked out, slamming the door.

“Wow.” Thomas picked himself up. “He’s an interesting guy.”

“No kidding.” Titus calmed down, shaking himself. “I feel kinda bad for yelling now.”

I shook my head. “Don’t worry, he’ll get over it.” Hopefully. At least now he wouldn’t be getting tripped on and crashed into.

In comparison to what happened just after that, getting tripped over and crashed into were absolutely nothing.

I’d just finished loading up the new jars for the Automagic machine when things got even worse. I stood up, leaning against the bench with a sigh. 

“Are we almost ready? Because there’s crowds of people out there.” Thomas was leaning over the bench beside me and looking out.

“What are they going on about anyway?” I squinted, trying to see what they were all looking at.

Then a swirl of flame made my throat go dry.

Kyle was standing right in the middle of the dragon lunch area. Holding a sandwich.

With a dragon roaring toward him.

- - -

AND THERE I LEAVE YOU. Because I love cliffhangers. *evil laugh*

I haven't actually written the second half of the story yet so if you have any suggestions, feel free to shoot them at me and I might be able to include them (maybe, but no guarantees).


Are you enjoying the summer warmth, Northern-Hemispherers?
(and all those down south with me *gives blankets*)
How is the story so far?