Friday, 10 February 2017

The Adventures of Lando Erif :: The Day the Shopping Center got Repairs (Pt. Two)

Considering we left off with a crowbar in the ribs, I think I shouldn't ramble on for too long because you all want to hear about how he got impaled, right?

Right. I'm sure you do.

All you useful people gave me no helpful ideas last week for how I should finish this - except one. So I've taken that one and made it into something hopefully decent and completely random and we'll see how this goes. (I thought it was a cool idea, personally :P)

Warning, this is also quite short because ergh I ran out of ideas and it didn't reach the 1k mark so...yeah. Hopefully it'll be good enough anyways. There was only so much I could do after the crowbar.

:: Part One ::

Why did he even have a crowbar in the middle of a shopping center?

Luckily for me, a trolley crashed into me from the side at the same time, so the crowbar only half impaled me.

Yeah okay, bad choice of words. It did actually impale me, but it felt like it.

Useful tip of the day: don’t try this at home.

I landed on my back on the escalator, red stars blinking in front of my eyes. Maybe it was tactical flee-in-terror time. Before I could heave myself up, the escalator dumped me on the floor at Fate’s feet.

“That's better, give me the proper respect I deserve.” Fate pulled himself straighter, looking haughty.

“Hold it-- no!” I scrambled back out of reach of the crowbar. “Dude, why did you do that?”

His eyebrows arched upward. “You asked for it, worm.”

Okay, maybe I looked a bit like a worm, lying on the floor, but that was going a bit too far. I pushed to my feet, one arm clasped around my choking ribs. “Now you listen to me,” I started, before the fire in my chest stopped me from going any further.

“No, you listen to me.” Fate stepped closer, slamming his crowbar down on the floor.

Smashed glass, bent trolleys, items of food lying around from mum's shopping, dints in the floor. This was just getting worse and worse.

“I have a friend who’s mentioned you before.” Fate shifted forward a pace. “She’s had an encounter with you before I believe?”

I closed my eyes, pretty sure I knew who he was talking about. That was the weirdest birthday ever. And coming from me, that’s pretty weird.

But hey, no one died.

Fate stepped closer again, his crowbar moving dangerously.

I crawled backward hastily, my elbow knocking against a loose lemon, probably from our overturned shopping trolley. The yellow fruit rolled toward the fairy, bumping against his foot.

Fate bent down, picking up the lemon and glaring at it like some personal enemy.

Like he was looking at me, actually.

“Please don't make a ‘when fate hands you lemons’ pun,” I managed. “It’s so lame.”

“I expected more of you, boy, after what I’ve heard.” He switched his gaze to me, eyes flashing. “But now I find that you are nothing but a boy. Foolish enough to try save a small girl you don’t even know. Foolish enough to think to take on Fate with your bare hands. Bah.” He stepped closer, and I tried to move away, only to the glass front of a shop right behind me.

Fate twirled the crowbar in his hand as if it weighed a quarter of what it actually did. “I will crush you, little boy.” His hand tightened on the lemon. “I will crush you like this.”

I swallowed hard, watching his fingers tightening around the lemon. Okay yes. It didn’t look like much fun. Not that the lemon was complaining very loudly.

Then the bruised skin of the lemon cracked and a squirt of juice fountained upward, hitting Fate perfectly in the eye.

He let out a howl, dropping the lemon to the floor. The crowbar went flying and I threw myself sideways out of its path, feeling the floor shudder beneath my hands and knees as it landed. A web of cracks broke across the glass display window.

Fate reeled backward, hands clutching at his face. “Lemons,” he screeched. “Why?”

“What in the world?” I gasped, the pain in my chest almost disappearing as his antics distracted me.

“Lemons!” He staggered into the escalator, falling on his face as it moved under him, dragging him up to the second level of the shops.

I gaped as he disappeared from sight, moaning ‘lemons’ every few seconds. His voice came distant from the next level. “Darn you, allergies.”

“Well.” I dragged myself to my feet, arms wrapped around myself. A footstep came behind me and I turned, ready to see mum.

A man in uniform, stared down at me and fear twisted in my gut. He glanced at the trolleys piled up through the glass, and then at the crowbar on the floor. “Where is your mother?” he asked, voice cold.

I stared for a moment and the gulped. “You don’t think I did this, right?”

His eyebrows went up. “I don’t suppose it was a little fairy.”

“Wait, what? It wasn’t me though,” I protested.

It kinda was a fairy.

“Lando.” Mum’s voice came from behind me and the back of my throat went dry.

“The shopping trolley guy was a fairy,” I blurted, turning and looking at mum desperately.

The corners of her eyes creased anxiously. “Are you hurt, Lando?”

“Um…crowbar in the ribs—” I didn’t get any further before Mum’s face darkened in anger. I stammered silent.

“Ma’am, if you are responsible for this child—”

She turned on the stiff man. “Did you hear that? My son got attacked with a crowbar. I do not expect to be forced to pay any compensation for this.”

The man stopped, looking startled. “Please, I didn’t mean—”

“You will hear more of this, don’t you worry.” Mum wrapped her arm across my shoulders. “Come on, Lando.”

I let her lead me away toward the car park. “I was just trying to save this kid from getting squashed,” I explained.

She tsked and hugged her arm protectively around me. “I know. You’re not getting in trouble for this.”

I glanced up at her, knowing there was more to come from the tone in her voice. “And who is?”

She narrowed her eyes. “That Sir George is going to hear a piece of my mind.”

My mouth formed into a shape of surprise. Figures. Half of me really just wants to go to hospital.

The other half really wants to see Sir George’s face when mum starts at him.


Voila! A brand new Lando story!

Okay, so Fate mentioned a 'fairy friend' of his, and Lando's birthday came up too. On that note...guess what you get to hear about next week!

(Thank you Angela for the brilliant lemon-squirt-in-the-eye idea, I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't given me that wonderful inspiration :P)

Did this end at all how you were expecting?
(because, man, it wasn't really what I had in mind. Although, I had absolutely nothing in mind, so that might have something to do with that.)
What characters would you like to see more of in other stories?


  1. No fire breathing, oh well.... But the lemons did work quite well. The escalator taking said fairy away was quite an amusing bit I must say. Oh and I want another paragraph showing Sir George’s face.

    1. Fire breathing. *slams face into wall* HOW COULD I FORGET SUCH AN IMPORTANT FACTOR AS THAT. *slaps self* -ahem- okay so I completely forgot/never thought of having Lando breathe fire...

      Hmm, maybe I'll write a special little scene for that. :P

  2. Ohhhhhhhh! Sir George is gonna get it alright xD ...On that note, wow... I did not expect Lando's mum to know Sir George at all XD

    *clap clap*

    1. Ah yes, Lando's mum does know a reasonable bit about Dragon Island (because I can't really say that Lando spends half his time somewhere else and she doesn't notice :P) She's got a bit of fairy history also... :D

  3. Well that interesting. I suppose this means that when Fate tries to crush Lando, Lando will squirt back? With fire?

    1. Yay! I have no idea. XD It didn't mean anything in particular. :P

  4. Love this!


  5. I don't think I would have to have an allergy to lemons in order for a squirt of their juice in my eye to hurt.
    I was kind-of wondering my Lando didn't just breath a little fire on Fate? Are fairies fire resistant?
    Also, who was the girl and why was the fairy trying to kill her? That seems like it's own little story. *hint, hint*

    1. Haha, yes. XD
      OKAY SO I KINDA COMPLETELY FORGOT HE COULD BREATHE FIRE. I'm so ashamed of myself, it simply never occurred to me.
      *nods* Yes yes indeed... :D

  6. Hahaha! Totally not expecting the end. Mum must be pretty scary when she's angry. XD
    I'd like to see a girl with some serious martial arts skills. That would be cool.
    Loved it!!!! :-D

    1. Oh yes indeed. Absolutely terrifying. XD
      Hmm yesss that'd be cool. *notes that down*


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