Friday, 24 February 2017

The Adventures of Lando Erif :: The Day I Fried my Birthday Cake (Pt. Two)

Two days ago I realised something interesting. Today I'm posting the second half of Lando's birthday on the same day as another birthday.

Or anniversary, whatever you want to call it.

Because today, one year ago I met someone. Someone amazing. Someone I spent time with practically every day.

Someone called...Livia.

Aka my violin.

Yup. One year ago today, I bought my violin. (yes, my own money. Hence I still have a very small amount remaining. Buuut it's growing. Slowly.) It's still another week (or two?) Until I've been having lessons for a whole year. And I'm up to grade three and it's so cool. *flails*

Anyways. To the point. Lando story part two coming right up. In which people can get knocked out by pizza because this is a Lando story and weird things happen okay.

:: Part One ::

I’ve never blown out the candles with fire before. 

Unfortunately the cake, wonderful though it was, hadn’t been designed to withstand a stream of flames pouring over it. So it did the natural thing — it turned into a charcoal lump.

I stopped blowing with a gulp. Not good. Then realised that I was surrounded by astonished relatives who’d just watched their cousin/nephew/distant relative incinerate his birthday cake by breathing fire.

A strangled yell from the other side of the table sent a jolt through me. Titus was struggling with Zana Bradford, and she looked like she was getting the upper hand. Relations seemed to suddenly comprehend what they’d just saw and the screaming and yelling commenced.

Well. This was interesting.

Thomas had disappeared, trying to reach his brother. All the guests didn’t seem sure what they were trying to do, and I wasn’t really either. But I was sure of one thing. Zana was punching one of my best friends in the face.

I grabbed the fried lump of cake and hurled it across the table at the strange girl who’d ruined my party. It bounced off her head and she jolted up, her death glare pinning me down.

Before I realised what she was doing, she threw a piece of pizza, top speed, at my head, and I only barely had time to duck. A grunt from behind me made me spin around, just in time to see my Dad collapsing on the ground, unconscious. I’m going mad, my Dad was just knocked out by pizza. The crash of a smashing plate made me jump and I remembered that there was no time for standing around.

I dived under the table as Zana vaulted over it. Titus was groaning on the ground, blinking and gasping. “Stay there,” I gulped, before dashing through the crowd of screaming people.

They were never going to come to my birthday again. I’ll admit, I wasn’t so disappointed by that thought.

I had to lead this mad Zana person away from all the guests. I didn’t want people dying on my birthday.

Zana snarled behind me, and I risked a backward glance. She was shoving through the people without a paused, throwing pizza and crackers at my relations at random. These became deadly projectiles and everyone they hit either collapsed without a sound or screamed even louder. But they served their purpose, clearing a path, through which she had a perfect view of me.

“Lando!” I heard my mum’s yell above the other noises, but I kept running. My only chance was to get this girl somewhere safe. Safe for everyone but me.

And hopefully her if I was lucky.

I leapt over the back gate and into the small park beyond, hearing my pursuer even closer now. I began to hope that I could reach the relative security of the Park Ranger’s house, but before I could take that thought too far a pastry thumped the back of my head and I stumbled and fell.

With a hiss, Zana was over me, threatening me with a sword lengthed stick. I didn’t doubt for a second that it would cut just as well. “So,” Zana drew the word out, an exultant look on her face. “At last, Lando Erif, I have longed for this day for years.”

“W—what do you mean?” I asked, breathing heavily, trying not to go cross-eyed watching the end of her stick.

“No doubt your parents have kept you in the dark about my identity,” she purred, pacing slowly around me, her smile twisting her lips ruthlessly. “I would if I had been in their position, I suppose,” she considered.

I swallowed. This would be a nice time for you to come, Thomas. I gulped mentally. “So…enlighten me?” I said, trying to keep Zana talking.

If she was talking maybe she wouldn’t kill me. And that seemed like a very good idea.

She laughed, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. “I am the famous Zey Nabra D’feord. Fairy of destruction and...” she paused then tilted her head to one side. “Several other things.”

Fairy?” I repeated disbelievingly. Yep. Definitely going mad. I knew it all along. “Aren’t fairies meant to flutter around in the garden and make dew and flowers and that kind of thing?”

Zana Bradford (Zey Nabra D’feord, or whatever) scowled and the tip of the stick wavered closer. I held my breath. My bad. I probably should have thought to phrase that better.

“Or…maybe not?” I managed to get the words out of my tight throat.

“No,” Zey Nabra replied, her voice a menacing snarl. “I think you’ll find I’m a very different kind of Fairy.”

“Yeah,” I agreed hastily. Time to change the topic. “Sooo,” I searched around for more inspiration. “Should I know you?”

“Bah,” the fairy said. “Your mother and I had quite a feud for a while over a house. She foolishly meddled in the affairs of Fairies. It is wasn’t for her that house would have burnt to ashes.”

I was starting to connect things. “Right, so you set fire to a house, being the fairy of destruction, and Mum, being a firefighter, did her job and put it out.”

“Correct,” Zey Nabra smiled evilly. “And I was not amused. Not in the slightest. So I made her pay. Or rather, I made you pay.”

“You made me—What?” I asked, my forehead twisting into a frown.

“I thought it would be a nice little comeback to curse her only son,” she said sweetly. “A reminder of that day.”

“Wait…” I blinked. Curse…her son. My mum’s son. That meant me? “You cursed….me?

“Slow on the uptake, are we.” She nodded, rolling her eyes. “I wasn’t sure if it was you that I’d cursed so I had to check, that’s why I waited until the cake. I’m very certain it was you,” she smirked. “You see…after these years I’ve decided that I wasn’t harsh enough with my curse, so now I’m going to kill you.”

The casual way she said it sent shivers down my arms. “Um…right.”

I movement near the fence caught my eye, a flash of auburn hair. I kept my eyes on Zana, hoping desperately that she wouldn’t turn around. A thought struck me. “Hold it, so it’s your fault I can’t blow out my candles?” I asked, heat spreading through my body.

She didn’t get time to reply. I rolled to the side and jumped to my feet, grabbing a stick of my own. An old fairy tale Mum used to tell me came to mind. ‘If you make a fairy bleed, she must go back to her palace or she dies. It’s the best way to defeat the bad ones.’ I swung my stick at the girl, hoping to finish things then and there.

But my opponent wasn’t any ordinary opponent, this one was a fairy. I’d fought Dragons before, and saved half the world from exploding, but this was harder. Zey Nabra was fast, very fast. Even with my fire breathing skills I would have been dead meat unless Thomas was there.

He dived right in, swinging a broken chair leg like a club at the back of her head. She ducked, spinning to face him and retreating a few steps as I came at her again. The fairy’s stick chipped bits off my stick and I knew it’d snap in another second or so.

Things weren’t looking good. Time for a bit of fire breathing.

“Duck!” I yelled to Thomas, and blew flames over the fairy.

When I ran out of breath I doubled over, gasping and staring at the charming smile Zana was directing at me. 

“I am, as it happens, also the fairy of heat,” she said primly. “Did I forget to mention that?”

Well darn.

I slashed my stick at her. Fairy of destruction and heat, what chance did we have? Stick equals pathetic. Fire equals hot. And clearly it was no use.

Realisation shocked down my spine in a shiver of cold, and I almost failed to dodge Zey Nabra’s swiping stick. “You know that not all fire is hot, don’t you.”

It didn’t make sense, but mum’s usually knew what they were talking about.

Maybe…maybe I could breathe ice fire?

“Ow!” Thomas yelled as Zey Nabra ducked and my stick hit his shoulder. He stumbled backwards and tripped over his laces, falling flat on his back.

Everything seemed to switch into slow motion, Zey spun on Thomas and her stick-sword began to descend towards him. Now or never.

I filled my lungs with air and, closing my eyes, hoped vaguely that I wasn’t about to fail big time. 

An ice cold shot up my throat and a gush of blue…flames? Ice? Whatever it was flooded over the fairy, and I took my chance, slashing forward with the stick at Zana.

The very point cut her right arm. Actually, to be honest, it was more of a scratch, but it was good enough anyway. A screech echoed from Zana’s lips and she dropped her stick, clutching at her arm. Thomas scrambled to his feet, backing out of reach.

“How did you know?” Zana shrieked. 

“Oh, just a story Mum used to tell me,” I replied carelessly, wondering why my whole body had gone numb. “Apparently you aren’t actually that much different than the fairies in those books.”

Zey Nabra D’feord began to shimmer and fade. “I’ll return someday, Lando Erif,” she cried, her face a picture of rage. “And when I do—”

A stick swiped through her already disappearing form, vaporising her completely. Titus flashed a grin. “Thought I might lend a hand,” he commented, tossing his stick to the side. “Although you seemed to have things mostly under control without me.”

He had a large purple bruise forming along his jaw, with clashed strangely with his wide smile, but other that, he didn’t look too bad considering he’d been tackling the Fairy of Destruction and Heat.

Make that the evil Fairy of Destruction and Heat.

I was about to return his grin when a sudden wave of cold struck me and I gasped, doubling over and hugging my arms to my chest. As I moved, tiny ice crystals fell off my t-shirt, tinkling over my bare toes that had impulsively turned blue.

“Are you okay?” Thomas asked anxiously.

No, not actually.

“I think I need defrosting,” I gasped.


And happy birthday to Lando. Hopefully his next birthday is a little bit better. (In case you wondered, he spent the evening roasting marshmallows over a fire pit because marshmallows and fire = good idea when you need defrosting)

Who wants to see Zana return again in more stories?
(if no one does, then sorry because I've already written some in which she does :P)
Are there any story requests??
(throw 'em all at me guys)


  1. Happy Birthday Livia!!! Did you have a cake? One that I don't image got incinerated. ;P
    I would love to see Zana again! Who doesn't like an evil fairy? Except maybe Lando.;) Maybe we should have a nice fairy next time. Zana could have a good twin!
    I have a request!! Lando should accidentally appear where ever the fairies live, and learn a lesson of not judging books by their covers. ;D
    I don't know about you but I thought most fairies were nice. Of course some are evil, but if the first one I met was intent on killing me, I don't think I'd ever trust one again. :P
    Just a suggestion anyway.
    Definitely marshmallows and fire for defrosting. *Goes prepares a fire pit and stocks up on marshmallows for winter* Hey does that mean the opposite of defrosting is frosting? If that's the case then, that is the best way to say you're getting frozen in winter. :D

    1. Nah, we didn't actually have cake. (poor Liv :P) But I thought she wouldn't mind. XD
      Super! I find Zana kinda amusing actually, so I'm glad to hear that. Oh yes yes, I should bring in a nice fairy some time. That's a good idea, thank you!!
      *snorts* Okay! Sounds like something I could work with. XD
      "How are you going?" "Oh, y'know. Frosting." :P

  2. Why would he bother roasting marshmallows over a fire? He could just breath on them.
    Ah, and I see some fairies are fire proof!
    Happy birthday to Lando and Livia!

    1. Good point, but it was less effort. :P
      Yup indeed!
      I'll definitely pass that on to Livia. *nods*

  3. This was so funny! I feel sorry for Lando, though! Too bad that it looks like his life shall never be completely normal, lol. :P

  4. Poor Lando, he destroyed his birthday cake, but at least he put it to some good use. Lando is thoroughly entertaining. I can't wait to see what strange adventure he gets himself into next.

    1. Just a little bit destroyed, yep. XD
      Thank you so much! I can't wait to see you there! :D

  5. I'm late, but happy birthday Lando and Livia! Dunno why I'm saying that to a fictional character and violin but eh... I've always been mildly crazy anyway :P

    Great chapter as always! Loved the food-fight part :D

    1. Hehe it is a little bit odd now that you mention it... :P

      Thank you! I'm honestly not sure quite how the food throwing idea came along but *shrugs* my brain has weird moments of inspiration sometimes. :D

  6. I do!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
    Loved it! It was awesome. :-D
    You play the violin too! Yay! I've been playing for five years, but have only had two years of lessons. I love how you named yours. :-)
    So looking forward to the next story.

    1. Yass that's so cool that you play too. I love playing. (But totally every instrument should be named. xD)
      ^-^ Thank youuuu!!


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